Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Not yummy, not soccer, just psycho mummy

This, I think, is one of the hardest times for me. Georgia was pointing to a spot on her leg and telling me 'ouch'. She's been pointing to the same spot and telling me the same thing for about a week now--no visible wound.

Now, in a 'normal' family, the parent would just keep on with life. For me, time hiccups. Is it the start of metastatic cancer?

So, like any hyperparanoid cancer mom, I called the hospital. Left messages with the nurse case manager. Spoke to her. Made an appointment for today. Fretted, spent my day on the edge of tears, sucked at work (actually asked my co-worker to keep an eye on my work), didn't sleep.

Today, before we make our 2.5 hours (each way) visit to the oncology clinic, after I've taken another day off work, she points to a bruise on another part of her leg and tells me 'ow'. The previous spot, the one mid-tibia, that's been worrying me all week, that seems to be forgotten.

I've trained her to show me pain. I've become a psycho mom, I know it, I can see it, I understand it, it's driving me insane. But I can't help myself.

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